BACKSTAGE PASS / ANDI'S CORNER / ISSUE 001
Starting a Charity
Is Harder Than It Looks
Hi everybody! It's Andi!
As most of you know, I recently started the Andrea Collins Foundation for Abandoned Traffic Cones.
And let me tell you something.
Starting a charity is HARD.
First of all, I thought you just had to care about something really, really much. Which I do. I care about traffic cones more than probably anybody in the entire continental United States.
Possibly Canada.
But apparently you need paperwork.
A LOT of paperwork.
And some kind of tax number.
And a board of directors.
Which is weird because I don't even own a board.
So I called this lady who works at the place where you get permission to be a charity.
I explained everything very professionaly.
I told her about all the abandoned traffic cones sitting alone on the sides of roads. How nobody ever checks on them. How sometimes people run them over and just KEEP DRIVING.
And I told her about Mr. Wellington.
That's when she started laughing.
Like, REALLY laughing.
I thought maybe she was watching something funny on her computer, so I waited politly.
Then she asked me if this was a prank call.
I said, “No ma'am. This is a very serious organizashun.”
She laughed harder.
So I asked to speak to her superviser.
She said, “Honey, you can't just start a nonprofit organization to adopt traffic cones.”
And I said, “Why not? People adopt highways all the time.”
She didn't have an answer for that.
Well, actually she did. But it was really long and had a bunch of words I didn't understand.
Anyway.
Apparently you need something called 501(c)(3) status.
I don't know what happened to 501(c)(1) and 501(c)(2), but I'm guessing those were already taken.
I also found out you can't just collect donations and call yourself a registered charity.
Which is a little bit of a problem because I already made a commercial.
And a website.
And business cards.
And Mr. Wellington has been promoted to Vice President of Cone Relations.
He's very excited.
I haven't told Jess about the paperwork yet because she's already been in kind of a bad mood lately.
But I'm not giving up.
Because every great thing started with somebody having an idea that other people thought was ridiculous.
Like airplanes.
Or the internet.
Or those little plastic tables they put in pizza boxes so the cheese doesn't touch the lid.
Somebody had to believe in those things.
And I believe in traffic cones.
So if anybody reading this knows how to start a real charity, please let me know.
Preferably somebody who doesn't laugh at me.
Because I really am trying.
And I think that's worth something.
Love,
Andi ❤️
Founder and Presidant of the Andrea Collins Foundation for Abandoned Traffic Cones
Mr. Wellington — Vice Presidant of Cone Relations
P.S. Does anybody know where I can buy a board of directors? I checked Amazon and couldn't find one.
The Andrea Collins Foundation is a fictional part of Sugar Uprising's Behind the Noise universe, not a registered charity. This article is entertainment, not a request for donations.